Free and Agreeable Manners

Age Ant Nofin' But A Numba

So like “Heeey” everyone out there! My name’s Nancy, but my friend’s like ter call me “Miss” Nancy, y’know, li’ ter demonstrate a kinda respect or affection or somefing ‘cause in England – which’s where I live, btw, lol – when you’re li’, in primary school n’stuff (not that I’d really know ‘cause I was home schooled), the students call their teachers Mr. or Mrs. depending, of course, on whev’r or not they’s a chap or a bird, duh lol, but since I’ve never been married I can’t righ’ly be called Mrs. now can I; tha’d just be silly nonsense wouldn’t it, lol.

So yeah, li’ I was sayin: I live in London, li’ down in de souf eastern bit near Camden which, on a Saturday, is li’ to’ally wicked fo shoppin’; I mean, it’s li’ where all de tourists go ‘cause Camden Market’s li’ super famous an whatnot. If you’ve neva been there, den it’s like obvi you need to go, I mean and plus, it’s li’ right by dat uber minted writer’s house – ah, what’s the bloke’s name? – Dickens! dat’s right, the Dickens House… Anyway, so since li’ all de tourists come to Camden, y’know, li’ I just said, a lot o’ my friends li’ chillax out dere, nickin’ dosh off all dem knob heads who aren’t exactly payin’ attention, but when my mates end up li’ thrown in the pig pen,( ugh!), I’m de one who’s always gotta li’ go get ‘em out, li’ I don’t ‘ave me own problems, really!

I’ve just li’ recently gotten out o’ a pretty serious relationship wifa real wanker. I mean wow…it was bad! We lived togetha in dis real dingy flat where ‘e’d li’ ‘ideout on ‘is arse all day or kip (when ‘e wasn’t “seein’ a man about a dog,” if y’know what I mean), and ‘ere I am out in de streets tryin’ ter li’ put nosh on the table, fags in ‘is mouf, and all ‘e bloody well does is call me ‘orrid names li’ “slag” or “tart,” and dat’s li’ only if he’s not pissed off his face and li’ beatin’ me wif ‘is pistol! Yeah! complete sod, I know, and it’s an absolute shame ‘cause ‘e was a well fit geezer too, li’ one o’ those tall, dark and ‘andsome-types, but just a real chav and I don’t get it. Oh well.

Lately I’ve been li’ attemptin’ to improve my mental ‘ealf and self esteem, right, ‘cause I really do wanna find love, seriously, but li’ in order to do dat I need to understand what I’m doin’ wrong, y’know, and not always believin’ it’s the guy’s fault, i.e. the tosser I mentioned earlier, ‘member? So li’ in order to do dis, I’ve been watchin’ and re-watchin’ episodes of VH1’s “Tough Love,” wif Steven Ward, ‘cause ‘e li’ knows what ‘e’s talkin’ ‘bout, and also it’s to’ally a family show because ‘e’s like ‘elpin’ to find people love, and wif ‘is mover no less! ‘e ‘as all dese rules ‘bout li’ eye contact, and li’ what you fink is sexy might not be sexy to the guys you’re ‘opin’ to li’ attract, and also de “Do’s and Don’ts” o’ first dates n’stuff. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s brilliant, bloody brilliant!

But dat’s kinda what I li’ to do wif my spare time now – take in de Arts. Proba’ly my favourite movie ov all time would ‘ave to be Step Up 2: The Streets, not to be confused wif Step Up 2 The Streets ‘cause dis is li’ de sequil to anova movie dat was called just plain Step Up, so de people in it are li’ Step(pin’) Up 2: The Streets, because The Streets is dis gangsta dance competition between crews, and so dese crews aren’t Step(pin’) Up 2 The Streets, if y’know what I mean. Maybe you just need to see de movie to understand ‘cause the first time I saw it, I didn’t li’ get it neiva, but now I do so I li’ li’ de movie…a lot.

Hmm, lemme see – what else can I say ‘bout me? Oh, ok, well, I definitely li’ to hang out and li’ socialise. One ov my best mates, he’s a bit younger van me, but ‘e’s wicked fun. I met ‘im at my ol’ boss’s flat, who actually ‘elped raise me in dis li’ weird round-about way…(weird)…and I guess my ‘eart kinda goes out to him, y’know – my friend, not my ol’ boss! – ‘cause dey’s always tryin’ ter li’ use ‘im fo deir crap scemes, and dis one time ‘e was actually chased by a Bobby who smacked ‘im li’ right in de gob, pow! When my git boyfriend and I were still togeva (barf!), we’d often li’, entertain our good mates n’stuff, but ‘e wa’n’t always too friendly to anybody after ‘e get all steaming so it didn’t ‘appen frequently –ah sod ‘im!

I’m wicked good wif children too, and li’, really li’ ‘em, y’know? One day I ‘ope to li’ make a whole batch of mine own, but now ‘ere I go soundin’ li’ a bloomin’ baker of some sorts, lol, and I’m li’ble to burn sausages, lol. I guess I’m justa lookin’ fo someone who’ll treat me decent, but nofin’ serious for a bit. Can't wait to meet cha! ;)